


Cast Your Fear in the Fire

by crushondeanlikeafairy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Galra Empire, Gen, Nightmares, Post-Episode: s01e09, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Shiro (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Team Bonding, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 00:11:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15762606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crushondeanlikeafairy/pseuds/crushondeanlikeafairy
Summary: Sendak got in Shiro's head, and it got to the Black Paladin more than he would like to admit.





	Cast Your Fear in the Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "Fear is a Liar" by Zach Williams. I was listening to it for inspiration for this fic. Seriously, if you haven't heard that song, you should go listen to it. It's a really good song for when your feeling down.

_"We're connected, you and me. Both a part of the Galra Empire."_

"No! I'm not like you!"

_"You've been broken and reformed. Just look at your hand."_

Gasping, the Black Paladin looks down as instructed at the traitorous piece of Galra tech. He hated it. It branded him as their property, as something he had fought with everything in him to avoid becoming.

"That's not me!" he screamed.

_"It's the strongest part of you. Embrace it. The others don't know what you know. They haven't seen what you've seen. Face it, you'll never beat Zarkon. He's already defeated you!"_

"I'm not listening to you!" Shiro cried, doubling forward and pressing his hands to his ears. But it was of no use, the voice was in his head.

_"Do you really think a monster like you could be a Voltron paladin!"_

**"STOP IT!"** Shiro screamed, rearing back with his metal hand and punching the glass between him and Sendak, looking up in horror at the monster sitting unconscious before him. Then it opened its eyes and smiled at him, baring its fangs. Panicking, Shiro slammed his real hand onto the eject button, launching Sendak out of the castle. He fell to his knees, gasping for air.

The day got a whole lot more stressful from there. 

* * *

 The paladins were all sitting in the lounge together, along with Allura and Coran. Almost flying your castle ship into a giant star takes a lot out of a person, human or not, and they had all wordlessly gathered in the lounge to cool off together. They were all spread out of the circle of couches. Pidge was laying on her stomach, Hunk beside her as he leaned back against the center couch in the semi-circle. They had laid out the pieces of an experiment they had been working on and were deep into their work. Hunk had baked up some snacks for everyone. When Keith ate some, the only thing he could think to compare it to was caramel corn. Lance was sitting directly behind the pair, legs crossed under him and munching on the corn-like substance, as he watched them work.

Allura and Coran were sitting on the corner of the couches in silence. Neither had touched the food and everyone was content to just let them be. Keith suspected the loss of her father's memories was really getting to the princess and Coran seemed like the best option to provide her comfort right now. Losing one's father was definitely something Keith could sympathize with and he was willing to give her whatever space she needed. Keith was sitting next to Shiro on the other end of the circular couches, opposite the Alteans. He had been hoping to maybe talk to his friend but Shiro had fallen asleep on Keith's shoulder almost as soon as they had sat down, tucking his legs up underneath him and just nodding off. It was making Keith's shoulder a little stiff, having all of the other man's weight resting on him for so long, but Keith could handle it. Pushing through a stiff shoulder was the least that Keith could do in return for the man who had given him everything.

He supposed their leader was tired. He had noticed a little while ago that Shiro wasn't really sleeping properly. It had seemed to start after some memories of his time with the Galra had returned to him. The Red Paladin saw that Shiro had started staying up later than the others, and he was always the first one up. Keith had his theories but he hadn't had the opportunity to bring it up to him yet. Shiro was kind of difficult to talk to about stuff like that."Hey," Lance said after a while, waiting until he was sure that Shiro was asleep, "How's he doing?"

Keith glanced down at Shiro, his bangs falling into his eyes, before looking back up at Lance.

"He's just tired," Keith answered, hoping it would end the conversation. He wasn't so lucky.

"I don't blame him. After everything that happened, I'm tired too," Pidge commented from where she was resting on the floor. At some point during her tinkering, wires had ended up tangled in her hair.

"He seemed pretty freaked out earlier," Hunk said, reaching around Pidge to take the wires off her with a fond smile.

"Freaked out enough to eject Sendak off the ship," Lance responded around a mouthful of popcorn.

"Wait," Allura cut in, turning to the group, "He did what?"

"Oooops..." Lance whispered, a handful of corn halfway to his mouth, "You didn't know."

Coran directed the princess' attention back toward him, "Sendak was apparently talking to Number One while he was standing guard. He took it upon himself to remove the prisoner, as he didn't think it was safe to have Sendak on board the castle."

"That's impossible," Allura looked back to the group, "Sendak can't speak in those pods. He was unconscious."

"I mean, the ship was going crazy," Pidge suggested, shrugging, "It is possible that it was projecting Sendak's thoughts through the speakers."

"What was Sendak even saying?" Hunk asked, "I mean, it had to be bad to make him react like that."

"I think maybe we should drop it. You're going to wake him up," Keith snapped, "He hasn't-"

Everyone was jolted from their conversation when Shiro jerked in his spot beside Keith. He sat forward suddenly, reaching behind him to grip the back of the couch before he could topple forward to the floor. He was gasping, choking on his breath, as he looked wildly around the room. His hair was drenched in sweat, the droplets glistening on his forehead.

"Shiro?" Keith asked softly, starting to reach toward his friend.

Shiro turned toward him, and Keith could tell immediately that his friend didn't recognize him. Shiro kicked with his legs, pushing himself backward along the couch to put some distance between himself and Keith. The entire room froze. The tension in the air could've been cut with a knife. Then, he looked right at Keith and just stared for a minute, before he let out a shallow breath.

"Keith?"

"Yea," he responded softly, holding his hands up placatingly, "It's me. You're safe. We're in the castle."

Shiro looked around the room then, taking in the terrified expressions on the faces of his teammates.

"I, uh..." he muttered, looking down to avoid eye contact, "I need some air."

He got up on shaky feet, his knees collapsing on him for a split second as they struggled to hold his weight. Once he got his balance, he made his way quickly from the room. Keith started to follow him, but thought better of it and stopped, standing in the opening in the couches, watching his friend disappear through the door. He turned around and saw everyone staring in shock at the same spot.

"Keith?" Lance asked after the trance had been broken.

"I was going to say, he hasn't been sleeping," Keith answered, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. He looked back to his team after a moment, and gestured to the door, "I was thinking it was nightmares."

Allura sighed, "It looks like you were right."

"Oh really?! Thank you, that's very helpful," Keith snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. Allura looked at him apologetically and immediately Keith regretted his outburst. Seeing such fear on Shiro's face was hurting Keith in turn. He wanted nothing more than to take away that pain, but he had no idea how.

"Well, what are we supposed to do?" Pidge asked, from beside Hunk. She had sat up straight like an arrow when Shiro had jolted awake, "We can't just let him keep suffering like this."

"Is it perhaps something some Altean alchemy can fix?" Coran suggested, twirling his mustache.

"I don't think so," Pidge said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully, "It might help with the insomnia for a while, but I don't think it could fix everything just like that."

"Should we talk to him?" Hunk asked, looking to Keith for direction, "I've heard that talking helps with this sort of stuff. What do you think, Keith?"

Keith sighed, putting his hands on his hips. He dropped his head and squeezed his eyes shut, "I've been meaning to. I haven't been able to find the right time. He's different than he was before. He used to be so easy to talk to and now..."

"Now he's only good at talking about  _our_ problems," Pidge elaborated. Everyone was silent once again.

"We have to help," Lance announced, standing up and brushing popcorn crumbs from his hands, "Shiro's always there for us when we're hurting. We don't have the right to do anything less."

"I suppose now could be the right time," Allura said after everyone was silent for a minute, "We all know now. He's probably expecting us to come to talk to him."

"Yea," Pidge agreed, "But it's all a matter of if he'll let us."

"Well," Lance responded, shoving past Keith and waving for everyone to follow, "It's worth a shot. Come on, let's go find him."

Wordlessly, the Voltron team stands and follows Lance out the door, snacks and experiments forgotten on the floor. They'd clean it up later. For now, they just wanted to find Shiro. 

* * *

The stars were unrecognizable, but that didn't really surprise Shiro. He hadn't seen constellations that he could recognize in a long time, and he was beginning to think that he never would again.

He was sitting at his seat in the control room, looking up at the stars that the ship passed by as it shot through space. There was the occasional asteroid or planet, but it was mostly cold, distant points of light. Tiny specks that he used to dream about visiting. He used to sit outside at night, lay on the grass, and just watch them, dreaming about one day reaching them. He supposed he had achieved at least that, though not in the way he had hoped.

He pulled his feet up onto his seat, wrapping his arms around his legs, and hoping that if he squeezed tight enough that maybe his hands would stop shaking. Resting his chin on his knees, he sat and took in the silence, willing it to slow the pounding in his chest. When his heart was pounding, his lungs wouldn't work and he needed his lungs to work to quell the anxiety. He needed to breathe.

 _He's wrong,_ Shiro thought desperately,  _You're not... you're not a monster._

It sounded pathetic even in Shiro's mind. He let out a broken sob, burying his face behind his legs. Distantly, he heard the door to the bridge opening, followed by footsteps. A lot of them.

"Shiro?" a voice called.  _Pidge,_ his mind supplied.

He lifted his head but otherwise didn't respond. Soon he saw them out of the corner of his eye, hovering off to the side. Worried they were going to frighten him again. Keith was the first one to enter his field of vision. He came up on Shiro's right, kneeling down beside him so that the boy could get a view of Shiro's face. That's what Keith was really. A boy. Shiro couldn't burden him with his issues, or any of them. They all had enough to deal with. Him piling it on was selfish.

"I'm okay," he whispered, refusing to meet Keith's eyes. The others took his response as an invitation to join them, settling in a circle around the seat. Shiro noticed that Hunk was careful to leave the left side unblocked so he wouldn't feel trapped. Even though he was uncomfortable with all the attention, Shiro appreciated the thought.

He felt a weight settle over his shoulders and looked up to see it was a blanket, placed there by a smiling Pidge.

"I picked it up while we were looking for you," she explained when she noticed his confused expression, fixing her glasses, "Thought it would help."

"Thanks," he said quietly, putting his legs down and wrapping the blanket tighter around his shoulders. The subtle pressure did help, even if only a little.

"Shiro," Allura called, waiting until he looked up at her before continuing, "Please talk to us. You gave us an awful fright back there."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Lance admonished, "We're your team, man."

Shiro looked up at Lance, who was standing directly across from him on the other side of the console, "I won't affect the team-"

"Woa, no," the Blue Paladin corrected, pressing his hands onto the console and leaning onto them, "I mean, we want to help."

"Do you know how many times you've sat with me while I cried because I was worried about my family?" Pidge cut in, a sad expression crossing her face, "We just want to return the favor."

"That's what friends do," Hunk said, wrapping an arm around Pidge.

Glancing back down at his lap, Shiro couldn't resist the urge to burrow a little deeper into the blanket, pulling it up to his ears. A hand rested on his shoulder and then he heard Keith's voice.

"We're here for you, Shiro. Please."

Shiro turned his head toward Keith, toward the boy he considered his brother. He would do anything for that boy. And the worry that he saw reflected in those brown eyes was breaking his heart even more than his own panic.

"Was it something Sendak said, Number One?"

"Part of it," Shiro sighed, "I've been thinking about. He didn't say anything that I hadn't already said to myself."

"Do you think it was in your head?" Pidge asked, tilting her head like Shiro remembers dogs did. He would've laughed under normal circumstances.

"I don't know," he admitted, fiddling with a frayed end of the blanket, "He made some good points though."

"Like..." Lance asked, squinting his eyes.

"I'm a monster," Shiro whispered, closing his eyes. If anyone noticed the teardrop landing on his knee, they didn't say anything.

"And how is that a good point?" Allura asked, shock tinging her voice, "That is the most incorrect assumption he could have possibly made."

"I'm one of them. My arm is proof," he answered quickly, clenching his Galra hand into a fist on his leg, "I'll never be free of them."

"But you are free. That's how you're sitting here with us right now," Hunk countered, gesturing around the bridge.

Shiro shook his head vehemently, "No. I'm not. I..."

He took a deep breath, tilting his head back to keep the tears from falling. The others stood patiently, giving him the time he needed.

"I don't remember much of my, uh... time with them. But what I do remember, I know I did bad things. Just from what those prisoners that we rescued told us.  _Champion,_ " he spit the word like it was repulsive to him, "I was a good person before, I believe that I was. But I let them turn me into that... that thing. I am a monster and I don't understand how I can be a paladin of Voltron when I'm me."

He was shaking again. He clenched both his hands around the edges of the blanket to steady them. Shiro could feel the eyes of his teammates boring into him, but he couldn't look up to meet their gaze.

"But, Shiro..." Pidge said softly, and he could've sworn she was starting to cry, "You saved my brother's life. You've saved countless lives since then. How can you think you're a monster?"

"I've taken lives too," he countered.

Keith stood then, giving the group gathered around a stern look.

"Give us a minute."

Some of them looked like they wanted to protests, Lance in particular. He seemed to live to argue with Keith sometimes. But they all thought better of it, backing down in the face of Keith's glare.

"I guess it's time for me to make dinner soon anyway," Hunk said, "You guys can help."

And they all filed out of the room. Keith paced back and forth beside Shiro for a moment, gathering his thoughts.

"Ok, listen," he said after a while, stopping to face Shiro, "I know you probably did some bad things when you were the Galra's prisoner. But you didn't do anything you didn't have to do. In the arena, if you hadn't have won, your opponents would have killed you. And I don't know about you, but I would much rather have  _you_ here."

"My life is no more important than thei-"

"To me, it is," Keith held up his hand to stop Shiro from interrupting, "Say whatever you want, it's true. You are not a monster. You gave me everything. I was alone before you showed up. The world had given up on me.  _I_ had even given up on me. You were the only person who believed in me since my dad died. You gave me a family again. I would do anything for you. And that includes standing here with you until you realize just how much you matter to so many people."

"Keith, I-"

"Do you really think the Black Lion would've chosen you to be her paladin if she thought you were this monster you seem to think you are?"

That gave Shiro paused, he looked off toward the stars again, considering Keith's words.

"No, I guess not."

"Exactly, she sees you're a good person. Just like I do. Just like the others. However many lives you've taken, I can guarantee you've saved a hell of a lot more. And all of us, even the Black Lion, realize that. You are our leader for crying out loud. Of course, you're fit to be a paladin."

Shiro watched Keith for a minute, taking it all in.

"Thank you," he said finally, smiling weakly up at his teammate.

"Don't you dare try and tell me that you feel better now," the teen responded, pointing an accusing finger at Shiro.

He chuckled, "I do feel a little bit better."

Shiro stood slowly, keeping the blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and pulled Keith into a hug. He held on for dear life, not daring to let go. He felt Keith doing the same thing.

"Promise me something?" the teen mumbled into Shiro's shoulder.

"Anything."

"Next time you have a nightmare, come and wake me up."

Shiro pulled back, "No, Keith, you need your sleep."

"So do you," he answered, brushing his bangs from his eyes, "And I can't stand the thought of you terrified alone in your room."

Shiro looked down at his feet in shame for a minute, but Keith pulled him right back into the hug.

"Who knows, maybe they'll get better if you let me help."

The Black Paladin sighed, resting his chin on Keith's head.

"Ok. I promise."

Keith stepped back, smiling up at Shiro.

"Good. Now let's go see what Hunk made for dinner."

"Sounds like a plan."

The pair made their way down to the dining room. Hunk had whipped something up pretty quickly, with the help of the other paladins, and was in the middle of setting the table when they made it in. The others were sitting at the table already, Pidge trying to explain 'I Spy' to Allura and Coran while Lance laughed beside them, nearly toppling out of his chair.

"I simply fail to see the point of the game," Allura complained.

"It's a game. The point is to have fun," Pidge answered, tossing her hands up in exasperation.

"Princess," Coran said, resting his hand on her shoulder, "Perhaps we should teach her an Altean game."

"Oh, no!" Pidge shouted, "I know about your games! I don't want anything to do with that!"

"No," Lance cried, "Please teach her!"

Shiro smiled at Keith, walking up to the back of Lance's chair.

"Hey, guys."

Lance shrieked and toppled from his chair. The others in the room cracked up, crying with laughter, while Lance sat up and glared at Shiro.

"Dude, you made me hurt my butt," he cried indignantly.

Hunk chose that moment to enter the room with the food. He set it on the table, smiling at the group full of smiling faces.

"Glad to see you're feeling better," he commented.

"I'm getting there," Shiro answered, clapping Keith on the back.

Everyone calmed down, wiping the tears from their eyes, and serving themselves giant portions of Hunk's cooking. It turns out, he had made Shiro's favorite.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: EVERY time I wrote 'Keith' during this fic, I would accidentally type 'Keither' for some reason, without fail. No earthly idea why, but I did.


End file.
